Heavy Burdens

So, it’s been quite a bit of time since I last wrote on my blog. I guess a true testament to whether I really am a ‘blogger’ or not. Seriously though, one avid blogger per family seems good to me!

Trying to get back into the habit of writing on my blog is not something that comes easily or naturally. As I made attempt after attempt to force myself to initiate my mandated posts for this last class, I found myself even more reluctant than usual. As per my habit, I finally stopped to analyze what was making it even more difficult than in previous classes.

I kept coming back to an interesting event that took place quite a ways back. While for some this might not seem very significant, or it may be confusing as to why it had such an impact on me, I’ll try and explain.

Part of my job involves interviewing new students and families and ensuring that our school is a good fit on both sides. Initially I was not too excited about this aspect of my job, but have since come to appreciate that first contact with students and parents. Some weeks ago now, one particularly enjoyable family interview was significant in my ‘blogging’ life.

As I was chatting with a prospective student and his mother, we came about in conversation to discussing blogs. The mother shared with me she had read a technology coordinator’s blog from our school. I guessed it was my husband’s and she confirmed that it was. She then paused in conversation and said, “Hey, you have a blog don’t you? I’ve read your blog!” She went on to describe some of my posts in detail to leave no doubt she was indeed talking about my blog.

I’m sure the look on my face went rapidly from astonishment, to embarrassment, to panic and finally culminated in stunned amazement. This was a pivotal moment in my life…

Now let me explain why. First of all, let me say that this woman was absolutely lovely and incredibly positive and complimentary of my writing. She’s actually asked me a couple of times about why I haven’t written more recently (so here you go, Lilian, this one’s for you! More to come soon). So this shouldn’t bring about the extreme reluctance I’m feeling, right?

And it can’t be because someone who I didn’t know had read my blog. I’ve actually had a couple of strangers leave comments; I’m aware that at times my quiet little blog is actually getting out there in the world.

So exactly what is it that was pivotal about this encounter? After much thought, I realized this was my first experience with meeting someone who knew about me because of my blog before I knew them. It was…strange. Not bad, but definitely different. It made me realize that what I put here on this blog is really representing me. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t consider that fact before, but it just didn’t mean as much as it does now. This is going to be, for some, their first impression of who I am. This is huge, major really. Now when I blog, I am feeling a heavier burden than before-which is not necessarily a bad thing. Isn’t this what we’re trying to get our kids to understand? This is what the world is seeing as representative of who we are, we must always remember that. I just had it brought home to me in a powerful, and surprising way!